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Doorknobs and Broomsticks
1 min read
Pizza
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Where love exists pain ensues
6 min read
I know you want me to be honest with you and you want me to tell you what's on my mind but as of right now I'm not ready to spill everything I have to say and I don't think you're ready to hear it. I need to write this somewhere, I need my voice to be heard so I post it here and it'll be up to fate to decide the time that you're meant to read what I have to say. If you do read this please just understand, please just read every word, thought, and idea with an open mind and understand how it is I'm feeling. None of this is meant to hurt, be harsh, make you sad, or angry, or guilty, or really anything. I just need to clear my head.
This whole thing will most likely turn into a rant without any logical flow so I'm sorry for that.
Most of this obviously revolves around him. I'm so conflicted on what to tell you. I understand you don't want to hurt him but you don't seem to see that you're going to hurt one of us, there's no avoiding that at this point. I guess I should've seen this coming, and I've kind of given up hope that you won't hurt me. You don't want to hurt him. I understand that. I didn't want to hurt Megan either, but you made me choose. It was easy for me, because I no longer felt anything for Megan, and its obvious now that it isn't easy for you because there's still something left for him. You don't want to let go of him. You're afraid of losing him, just as you're afraid of losing me. You're holding onto him because you there's still something left for you to hold onto. You keep telling me how much you love me, and how you're completely mine, but your actions tell me this isn't true. I don't mind that you hold onto him.....even if it hurts. You told me tonight that if he keeps this up he'll steal a part of you away from me, yet you let him keep it up. What do you think that leads me to believe? Well for one it tells me that you're ok with him stealing a part of you away. Well....well you know I want to spend my life with you, but honestly if that happens it'll damage us, I'm willing to give you everything, and I will but its going to hurt me if you can't do the same in return, and if he steals a piece of you away then you can't do that.....I don't want to make you choose, I know how hard this is, I was here, less than a month ago, telling you I love you while trying not to hurt Megan.....I understand what you're going through, but I also know that if you really love me like you say you do then making that decision would be easier than it currently is. I made that decision. I hurt someone, made them hate me, and while it may make me feel like shit at times, I know it was the right decision because I'm in love with you and there was nothing left for me to hold onto.
Also I don't really think you're seeing the full spectrum of what he's doing. He said he wanted to be friends but now he wants to be back with you. You really think he wanted to be friends in the first place? You said he matured but honestly as of late it sounds like it was an act to get you to let him in, he's wanted to claim you since the beginning. If he was truly your friend and truly wanted to be friends then he would've backed off once you stated that you love me and accepted that fact. But that's not what he wants he wants to prove himself, he wants to win you back just so he can say he did. That's what I'm seeing. If he truly wanted to be friends than he'd accept and support your decision but that's not good enough for him and he's trying to do exactly what I said he would do, wedge himself between us. Well guess what? He has. Because here we are discussing him. You're upset trying to figure out what to do and I'm threatened and scared that I'll lose you or even lose a part of you now (god the moment you said that my world shattered) and he's probably smug with the fact that he's now created a love triangle and a wedge between us. You can't see that because you're in it. Because you're there and you're afraid of losing him. *sigh* but what am I to do about all this? Make you choose? Tell you to pick and shut one of us down? Well if I did that one of two things would happen, you'd chose him or you'd chose me and be mad at me for making you hurt him. I can't do that. But not doing so just leaves me here with no options. And I try to think of what you'd say if it were flipped but I remember what you said when it was between you and Megan. At first you told me to choose her, then you forced me to pick. So I know how difficult that sort of situation is and I won't do it to you. But I know that you aren't over him, you're still holding on and to be honest it hurts. I know now, that you will hurt me, I'm going to hurt in one way or another.
Where love exists pain ensues. Just do me a favor...if he steals a part of you, don't love me, because you can't unless its all of you.......
I'm also going to keep amending to this as new thoughts come up:
You say you choose me but really you haven't made a choice, for as long as you keep holding onto him, as long as you keep him thinking he has a chance even if you don't tell him he does you haven't chosen because choosing means cutting the third leg of this love triangle and you haven't done that. So you haven't chosen because he's still a choice and you won't do anything to ACTUALLY choose. (ok that came out a lot angrier than I wanted it to....sorry)
This whole thing will most likely turn into a rant without any logical flow so I'm sorry for that.
Most of this obviously revolves around him. I'm so conflicted on what to tell you. I understand you don't want to hurt him but you don't seem to see that you're going to hurt one of us, there's no avoiding that at this point. I guess I should've seen this coming, and I've kind of given up hope that you won't hurt me. You don't want to hurt him. I understand that. I didn't want to hurt Megan either, but you made me choose. It was easy for me, because I no longer felt anything for Megan, and its obvious now that it isn't easy for you because there's still something left for him. You don't want to let go of him. You're afraid of losing him, just as you're afraid of losing me. You're holding onto him because you there's still something left for you to hold onto. You keep telling me how much you love me, and how you're completely mine, but your actions tell me this isn't true. I don't mind that you hold onto him.....even if it hurts. You told me tonight that if he keeps this up he'll steal a part of you away from me, yet you let him keep it up. What do you think that leads me to believe? Well for one it tells me that you're ok with him stealing a part of you away. Well....well you know I want to spend my life with you, but honestly if that happens it'll damage us, I'm willing to give you everything, and I will but its going to hurt me if you can't do the same in return, and if he steals a piece of you away then you can't do that.....I don't want to make you choose, I know how hard this is, I was here, less than a month ago, telling you I love you while trying not to hurt Megan.....I understand what you're going through, but I also know that if you really love me like you say you do then making that decision would be easier than it currently is. I made that decision. I hurt someone, made them hate me, and while it may make me feel like shit at times, I know it was the right decision because I'm in love with you and there was nothing left for me to hold onto.
Also I don't really think you're seeing the full spectrum of what he's doing. He said he wanted to be friends but now he wants to be back with you. You really think he wanted to be friends in the first place? You said he matured but honestly as of late it sounds like it was an act to get you to let him in, he's wanted to claim you since the beginning. If he was truly your friend and truly wanted to be friends then he would've backed off once you stated that you love me and accepted that fact. But that's not what he wants he wants to prove himself, he wants to win you back just so he can say he did. That's what I'm seeing. If he truly wanted to be friends than he'd accept and support your decision but that's not good enough for him and he's trying to do exactly what I said he would do, wedge himself between us. Well guess what? He has. Because here we are discussing him. You're upset trying to figure out what to do and I'm threatened and scared that I'll lose you or even lose a part of you now (god the moment you said that my world shattered) and he's probably smug with the fact that he's now created a love triangle and a wedge between us. You can't see that because you're in it. Because you're there and you're afraid of losing him. *sigh* but what am I to do about all this? Make you choose? Tell you to pick and shut one of us down? Well if I did that one of two things would happen, you'd chose him or you'd chose me and be mad at me for making you hurt him. I can't do that. But not doing so just leaves me here with no options. And I try to think of what you'd say if it were flipped but I remember what you said when it was between you and Megan. At first you told me to choose her, then you forced me to pick. So I know how difficult that sort of situation is and I won't do it to you. But I know that you aren't over him, you're still holding on and to be honest it hurts. I know now, that you will hurt me, I'm going to hurt in one way or another.
Where love exists pain ensues. Just do me a favor...if he steals a part of you, don't love me, because you can't unless its all of you.......
I'm also going to keep amending to this as new thoughts come up:
You say you choose me but really you haven't made a choice, for as long as you keep holding onto him, as long as you keep him thinking he has a chance even if you don't tell him he does you haven't chosen because choosing means cutting the third leg of this love triangle and you haven't done that. So you haven't chosen because he's still a choice and you won't do anything to ACTUALLY choose. (ok that came out a lot angrier than I wanted it to....sorry)
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If I Died Today, Would You Know?
1 min read
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Haven't done this in awhile
1 min read
Well not much going on, was pretty pissed off last week when the $250 pool cue shaft I had custom built came in and the joint end was screwed up. So I had to send it back so they could do it right now I'm waiting another 2 weeks or so for it to be done. Aside from that been a pretty good summer so far, just full of relaxing, gaming, pool playing, and making money.
Well hope everyone else is having a kick ass summer.
Well hope everyone else is having a kick ass summer.
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What a Kiss Means
2 min read
Need a new journal and found this in my old journal archives, a felt a need to repost it because it's kinda befitting.
+Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"
+Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"
+Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"
+Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
+Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
+Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
+Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
+Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"
What the gesture means...
+Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
+Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
+Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"
+Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"
+Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
+Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
+Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
+picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them"
--Advice--
+ Don't ask for a kiss, take one
+If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.
--Requirements--
+Post this again after reading!!
Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.
If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now
and can't get them out of your head
then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you.
Repost this as "what a kiss means."
+Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"
+Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"
+Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"
+Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
+Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
+Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
+Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
+Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"
What the gesture means...
+Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
+Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
+Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"
+Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"
+Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
+Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
+Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
+picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them"
--Advice--
+ Don't ask for a kiss, take one
+If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.
--Requirements--
+Post this again after reading!!
Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.
If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now
and can't get them out of your head
then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you.
Repost this as "what a kiss means."
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